I received a request to talk about “How to Deal with Consistent Criticism and Put Downs”. This topic is certainly one with which it is important to handle with care. There are so many subtleties to the magnitude of what this really could mean for each individual person. Without context, it is possible to trigger someone or push them closer to their trauma with generalities or non-specific information. I, in no way, would ever want that to be the case for anyone; but I am also hesitant to hold this topic with ‘kid gloves’. It’s about being real and honest and giving some actual tangible information to take away. With that said, the opinions and information represented in this article are based solely on the generality of this topic and are not representative of any one person’s specific circumstances. Should there arise a want or a need to receive personal or specific attention on the matter, it should be evaluated one on one! Never hesitate to reach out to me via my website at www.feathersjourney.com/contact/.
The first step when dealing with consistent/constant criticism is first to check in with yourself about the type of “criticism” you are receiving. That word alone has a very negative connotation. But have you ever heard of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism? By definition it is a form of letting someone know where they could further develop or advance. Why is this necessary? What could we possibly benefit from someone telling us how to “do better”?
Here is a little scenario. You’re at work and your boss calls a meeting in their office. You enter the office and sit down, anxious for what is about to come. Your boss starts off by telling you that they have really noticed that you’ve been working hard lately and seem to be the go-to person for your department. Then…. The CRITICISM hits… They say, “Although it is evident you know your stuff, I am very hesitant to move you into an available supervisory role”. “You seem to take on all the tasks yourself with an ‘if I want it done right, I will do it myself’ attitude.” Although they’ve recognized the value you bring to the team, “leadership is all about supporting the team you’re leading”. Your boss then says to you that if you can show some delegation and support to the team members in their own accomplishments, they may be able to evaluate this supervisor position in the near future. You leave the meeting furious and reeling. For allll you do for the company they don’t want to promote you because you are just TOO GOOD!? What is that!!!???
This is where you have the ability to tell your brain – STOP!!! You have now spiraled into negative thinking and defensive mode. What your boss is REALLY trying to tell you is that YOU ARE CAPABLE of being a leader! You could absolutely get promoted if you show them some improvement in areas where they are communicating concern. This is where our choice can come in; how we choose to hear what has been said to us. Ask yourself, Was it constructive? Was it meant to tell me how I could develop and advance? Was it meant to help move toward the person I want to be? These “criticisms” can come from anywhere: family, friends, partners, professionals. There is no way to control how or what other people say to you or even how they may present the information. However, you have the choice to decide how you want to respond, both internally and externally. Can you see that they are on your side and they just want to see you living up to the potential they know you are capable of?
In Part 2, we will explore a different area of criticisms and put downs and how to handle them. If this section has not yet resonated with you, stay tuned to see what comes next! As always, don’t forget to leave your feedback and to check out the recorded reading on YouTube at www.youtube.com/@feathersjourney.